Today in St. Ives

You can spot them all a mile off
The tourists who visit St. Ives
Cos they all wear shorts and smile much more
Than they would in their usual lives

I selected my prey quite early on
Doing cartwheels down by the sea
And I thought “I like the look of her
I hope she’s staying for tea.”

She went out on a boat trip first
Then she swam in her bikini
Without a second glance at me
The brazen blonde haired meanie

But finally she got hungry
And then I got my wish
When she sauntered out of the takeaway
With lots of chips and fish

She found a spot upon the sand
I swooped down to say hi
She said “you’re getting none of this
So go away, goodbye!”

I could not believe the rudeness
When she’d made me wait all day
She opened up the box of food
I thought “it’s time to play.”

I quickly hopped towards her
But she’d met my type before
She ate a chip, then closed the box
“Right,” I squawked “it’s war.”

“You know you can’t eat all those chips
And sharing would be kind
But if you won’t play nicely
I’ll attack you from behind.”

I calmly stood behind her
Out of mind and out of sight
Until she took another chip
And went to take a bite

I flew in and attacked her
I grazed her bottom lip
And victory was all mine
As I flew off with her chip

She wasn’t very happy
Said things I won’t repeat
And quickly grabbed the flip flops
That had once been on her feet

She threw a shoe towards me
As the blood dripped down her chin
And said “you won’t get another
I’d rather throw them in the bin.”

I didn’t like her sentiment
I knew just what to do
I raised my head and squawked out loud
So my friends would join me too

We formed a circle round her
And squawked and hopped about
She wasn’t very happy
Of this there was no doubt

We didn’t get another chip
But I still think that we won
Cos she was quite annoyed with us
Whilst we were having fun

And when her trip was over
I watched her from afar
Then flew ahead and left
A giant present on her car

7 thoughts on “Today in St. Ives

  1. Brilliant poem Caroline. Inspired. I think you could get a book out of your SW trip. Poems, photographs, thoughts, impressions etc etc. Also what about your novel?! How’s that coming on?

  2. Same thing happened to my friend John who until that day had maintained that such attacks were entirely fictional and reports of them were propogated by bird haters. Now he knows the truth! (But still loves the gulls. 🙂 )

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