The Cazmanian Times

Hold the front page – what is hitting the headlines in Cazmania today?

Chocolate Bliss actually tastes disgusting

Saggy Bottoms at the Cat’s Pyjamas

Gekko finds learning colours confusing

Boy in shared dorm goes to bed at 8:05pm

What’s their beef? Cows not amoosed by burger advert

Customers told their juice orders are too easy

Riding a bike is not “just like riding a bike” confirms backpacker

Male dorm blunder causes sleepless night for several females

Italian backpacker fails to understand that helpful Brit is not a member of staff

Plastic knife just doesn’t cut it

Backpacker’s daring descent ends in triumph

Residential street causes disappointment for racquet sport enthusiasts

Youthful genes strike again

Feuding couple call it a day

Riotous gang target peaceful holiday island

Man in lift wants everyone to know he wouldn’t usually use a lift

Australian family are the stars of brand new beach based drama

Feuding couple follow backpacker to Port Douglas

Zips are annoying, no matter how slowly you pull them, backpackers told.

Concerns grow as backpacking couple enter feud for another day

Backpacker shares dormitory with feuding couple

Death adder fails to make postcard debut

British backpacker “almost” fluent in English, according to German roommates

Magnetic Island not actually magnetic

Technology helps backpacker give precise answer to question that probably wasn’t a question in the first place

Queensland waitress knows every song by heart (but can’t memorise the menu)

Australian pedestrians play it safe

Backpacker may bring lifesize wombat home to England in moment of weakness

Water bottle dumped after whirlwind few months with British backpacker

British backpacker becomes unwitting star of obsessed tourist’s photographs

Baffled backpackers dumped at quarantine station

British backpacker furious with bunkmate

British backpacker acquires personal tour guide (but his sense of direction is even worse than hers)

British backpacker plays I Spy with complete stranger on aeroplane

Backpacker’s dismay as knickers are overlooked

British backpacker finds wilted leaf in cocktail

British backpacker baffled by book selection at latest hostel

British backpacker goes to desperate lengths to block out snoring roommate

Plenty more fish in the sea, says backpacker

“We are far more clever than people think” claim fish

British backpacker stops eating fish (but friends say they’ve heard it all before)

Posh lady confuses backpacking hostel with prison

Woman accidentally boards plane a week early

British backpacker finds herself acting out scenes from well known fairy tale

British backpacker disappointed to return to non-fluffy towel after 3 week reprieve.

British tourist reluctant to unpack perfectly packed pacamac

Flying lettuce hits six year old boy at popular dining spot

Loose elastic creates false weight loss joy

Tonight’s tent mate going to be a complete pain in the backside

Acquisition of Fit Bit makes top bunk seem briefly appealing

British backpacker shares too much information with stranger

Paparazzi gather for baby’s first dip in the water

Awful mother on plane far worse than her kids

British tourist forgets that she should not attempt to give directions

British man has special voice for holidays with family

British tourists wrongly identify seaweed as penguins

36 year old hides in wheelbarrow for at least half an hour