A group of knives, forks, plates, cups, bowls and spoons have spoken out 20 years after they were maliciously hurled into a university lake.
The utensils, who belonged to first year student Cassie Saunders, were thrown into Digby Stuart lake by Cassie’s flatmates after they unanimously agreed that living with Cassie was a nightmare.
Cassie’s Mum purchased the utensils at the Cargo store in Salisbury in August 1998. The utensils had initially been very excited to be going to university.
“We were beyond thrilled,” confessed a stripy mug who hasn’t seen his handle since they crashed into the lake 20 years ago. “Everyone knows about university. It’s all about sex and parties and making life long friends. We couldn’t wait to share a cupboard with some like minded crockery. It was going to be such fun.”
“And when Cassie found out we’d got into the nicest accommodation on campus, it was the icing on the cake,” added a chipped blue plate. “I envisaged myself at all these student parties holding a pizza, whilst my new student bowlfriend cradled the Doritos. We were going to have the time of our lives.”
However the cracks soon began to appear.
“Cassie was very difficult to live with,” admitted the frying pan. “I mean for us it wasn’t so bad. She was a very clean student, so we never experienced the dirt and mess that you hear about in student kitchens. But it did set us apart from the other crockery in the flat. We were always clean and dry and shiny. Other crockery would stay dirty for days on end. Some of them started to resent us. Especially the stack of plates that were left for so long they got stuck together. You can understand why we found it hard to make friends.”
“But it was Cassie’s flatmates who were the most angry,” said the egg cup who never even got used during her short time at university. “They were living away from home for the first time, they wanted to be wild. But instead they got a flatmate who was far more strict and disapproving than any parent could ever be.”
“She told them off for being loud, messy and promiscuous,” explained the spatula. “So of course they became louder and messier and talked about sex just to rile her. And they lived in completely different time zones. Cassie would get up at 6am and made lots of noise just to get them back for all the noise they’d made when they came home drunk at 4am. So the next night they’d have a loud party in the corridor and she’d storm out and confiscate the CD player. The whole flat was at war and we’d only been living there three weeks. We were scared to see what would happen next.”
Unfortunately what happened next was the savage attack on Cassie’s kitchen possessions.
“It was a Monday night and before she went to bed, Cassie had pinned a note to the fridge saying she expected to see the whole kitchen absolutely spotless by 8am on Tuesday,” sighed a fork. “The flatmates were furious. They started drinking and Stoned Steve got out his lighter and burnt Cassie’s note.”
“Then the flatmates thought it would be funny to melt something, so they picked on Cassie’s slotted spoon. It was highly unfair because that slotted spoon had helped all of them, when they needed to get beans out of a saucepan and hadn’t got any clean spoons of their own to use.”
Next the flatmates gathered up all of Cassie’s crockery and cutlery and marched it out to the nearby lake.
“They just went crazy,” said the tin opener. “Frisbeeing plates into the water, throwing knives like javelins, cheering every time something smashed. It was pure carnage. None of us will ever be the same again.”
“Those students have been able to move on with their lives,” said the cheese grater. “No doubt they’ve got mortgages, sensible jobs, children, even cheese graters of their own. Does Stoned Steve spare a thought for me every time he grates some cheese onto his pasta? I highly doubt it. We are destined to stay here forgotten forever.”
Caroline Gough lived in the flat next to Cassie during the time that the items went missing. “Everyone on campus knew what had happened to Cassie’s stuff apart from Cassie,” she explained. “And yes it sounds like a harsh thing to do to somebody, but who am I to judge? Extreme situations drive people to do things they wouldn’t usually do and until you’ve actually lived with someone like Cassie how can you know what does or doesn’t feel justified in that situation?”
Cassie regularly mentioned her missing cutlery when she bumped into Caroline on campus. “She was convinced everything would turn up one day,” said Caroline. “She would often tell me her things were missing as if it was a new story she hadn’t told me before. She did spend time speculating about where her things might be but never came close to guessing where they actually were. I was studying English Language and Linguistics, but I deserve to have been given a First in Drama and a lead in a top West End play for the amount of empathy and surprise I was able to convey each time she told me the story.”